New Year, Same Me, But Trying Really Hard to Make Me into a New and Improved Me

Thinking back to last year when I welcomed in the New Year, I was sat on a sofa in the hospital ward of a psychiatric hospital. At the time I was pretty ill, and to be honest it really sucked. I resolved that I would get better, get out of hospital and have a fantastic year. And I achieved it! Last year was quite a mix of the good and the bad, and everything happening so quickly it was hard to keep up.

To sum up the main parts of last year:

 

1. I was discharged from hospital, the scariest thing I have ever done.

2. The very next day my step dad goes into hospital with appendicitis.  (Trying to steal my glory.)

3. Got my first job working at a coffee shop, a primary school, a charity shop and an animal sanctuary - all at the same time - and realised that I was not indestructible.

4. Became part of the poetry scene in Birmingham, now my hands are permanently ink stained.

5. Watched my sister graduate from university and realised how quickly we grow up.

6. Started learning to drive and found that steering is a lot harder than it looks.

7. Tried to make soup and realised that cooking is a lot harder than it looks.

8. Started at a new sixth form, this wasn’t very scary or very exciting, it was just a big step in my recovery.

9. Went to a party.

10. Fell in love.

11. Went to a party.

12. Turned 18 and had a midlife crisis.

13. Fell out of love.

14. Featured at a poetry night and realised that maybe I could go further with my poetry.

15. Realised how lucky and loved I am.

Looking ahead to this year, I’m not really sure what to expect. I know every year some people are all “New year new me! Let’s make ____ the best year yet!!!” I’m not mocking them, I’m just saying, it’s unrealistic. It would be great if every year got better than the next, but statistically it just won’t happen. And “New me”, sounds like you’re going down to the shop to buy a new body and personality to match. We can’t control everything that’s going to happen in 2016, but we can try our best.

So instead of saying “New Year, New Me! Let’s make 2016 the best one yet!” I’m going to say “New Year, same me but I’ll try to make some positive changes… Let’s make 2016 as enjoyable and productive as possible.” Granted that sounds very boring, but it’s much more practical.

 

For my New Year resolutions, I looked back at 2015 and thought of what I’d done, what I’d learned and what I wish I could do.

This is my (hopefully) realistic goals/resolutions/reminders for 2016:

 

1. Don’t let your worth be defined by other people. If someone rejects you, it doesn’t make you worthless, it just makes them an idiot.

2. Start writing down positive things that you notice, so you can remember the good things when you forget.

3. Don’t get so stressed about school work to the point where you give up because you’re finding it too hard. Because then you’ll get even more stressed that you have loads of work to catch up on and you can’t do any of it. Instead just breathe, do what you can, go to the teachers and sort out the problem before it gets too much to handle.

4. Sleep. Please sleep. Sleep is so good. Please.

5. Don’t even bother resolving to exercise because let’s face it, the only time I’ll ever run is if I’m being chased by a bear. Even then, if I’ve just had a heavy meal, I probably wouldn’t run.

6. Keep on writing, even those things that you’re scared of thinking, write them.

7. Be more forgiving of people and yourself. Nobody is perfect, no matter how much we all try.

8. Please remember to take your medication for goodness sake!!!! 

9. Try to save your money, no matter how tempting the Pringles look, they are not worth it!

10. When your baby brother and sister are annoying, try to be patient, remember how quickly they will grow up. Treasure them right now. 

11. Realistically, you’ll never win a prize at school for most organised student, but the goal can be to stop losing your house keys, because without them you can’t get back into the house to get all the other rubbish that you forgot. 

12. Carry on trusting and loving everyone. It’s not a bad thing, falling in love too quickly. I’d rather have my heartbroken than never having someone to break it.

13.  Don’t panic about not knowing what you’re doing. No one does. You’re only eighteen, you’ve got years before you’ll have to start making sensible decisions and stop doing stupid things. But you should probably learn how to make soup without setting it on fire, and it’s been eight months?! Hurry up and take your driving test!

I probably won’t manage to keep these resolutions perfectly, but I’ll try my best to remember this advice I’ve set myself, and hopefully by 2017 I might still be the same old hot headed, disorganised, stressed out me, but with a driving licence, good sleeping pattern, more poems and lots and lots of happy memories.

Written by Flora Slorach.

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